About My Title

It's wishful thinking.

No.

Maybe more than that.

I am actively trying to make this title a reality.

If I'm honest, and I'm really trying to be, I am Mama Woman Wife.  And I know that's so wrong.  I have to take care of myself first.  My marriage has to be strong and well cared for if I hope for it to last the rest of our lives.  And with those two things firmly established, I can rest (mostly) assured that my daughter will have a solid foundation and a good mother.

But... But... But.

But my child is demanding.  (Yes, I know this is because I let her be, because, in fact, I encourage her to be.)

And life is demanding.  (Yes, I am aware that I like my life busy and full of demands.)

And if I don't put myself first I at least have to put myself second!  (Yes, I know, my poor husband.)

Couldn't I just imagine that I really am a superwoman, and I really do have superpowers, and I really can do it all?  Give one hundred percent to it all?

No?

No.

I realize that we all only have one hundred percent, and that we choose each day how to divide that pie, who or what gets the biggest piece each day, and since my daughter has been born, on almost every single day, she has gotten the biggest piece.  And on the days when it hasn't been her receiving the gigantic, healthy portion of Shanna's attention pie, it has been those rare occasions when I have worked an eight or ten hour teaching day.

It is only now hitting me that in the nineteen months since Celaya has been born that my husband hasn't gotten the largest portion of attention pie on any single day.

When I was in college, I remember coming to the realization that I had to make my real life match my stated priorities.  School is so important?  Then spend more time doing schoolwork.  Family is so important?  Then make those extra phone calls, take those extra trips to visit, watch those stupid housewife reality shows so you can laugh about them with your sister.

Well, here it is knocking me down again.  Granted, there likely won't be many, if any, entire days in the near future when I can simply put everything to the side and give my husband my undivided attention, but there are evenings, there are nap times, there are hours, there are moments, when I know I could do better.  I know I could look him in the eye when he's telling me a story about his day, instead of paying a bill, loading the dishwasher, or checking Facebook.  I certainly make sure I get my time.

Now, I just have to certainly make sure he gets my time too.  He deserves it.  He deserves to come second in my big picture.  And sometimes, in the small picture, he deserves to come first.

Woman.  Wife.  Mother.